Old Article: "Ohio State Football Coach Jim... →
kylewrather: I wonder if Tressel ever punished any of his students for cheating?
I'm starting a punk band
stryker: called the Stay at Home Dads. Our first EP is called My Job is Having Fun Put That Down, Kadyn I Said Put That Down. Kadyn, Remember What We Talked About? What Do We Say to the Nice Lady? Dammit Cheryl I Don’t Know How Much Longer I Can Do This. or check out our upcoming covers EP. London Crawling Kidzkrieg Bop Kick out the Jammies. Play Date in Cambodia Noserunner ...
My Dad is Crazy
My Brother: Whats that theory called where you say "I believe there's an elephant in the car, therefore there's an elephant in the car?"
Me: Oh yeah I've Heard of that. Can't remember what it's called though
My Dad: I know what it's called. It's called Douche theory. Because if you say something like that, you're a douche. There is no elephant in the car, but there sure is a douche. and it's you!
Book of Ian, Part 3
You all thought it was done. Is Ian still alive? Yes. This means that the book persists. These are all quotes that were taken from March until Early May of 2011. Enjoy them. Store Attendent in the Mall Food Court: Would you like to try some nuts? Ian: No thanks, we just left Dicks “Mike Rowe…has sex with prostitutes 3 at a time!!! aboygaboygaboygaboyga” (Referring to a Frat...
Chickamauga - Uncle Tupelo Named for one of the...
This is Funny, and Heartwarming in an Odd Way →
Tom: It’s off Paul: Was it ever on? Tom: No but it could’ve been...– 500 Days of Summer
I saw Thor tonight. It was good. It was funny. I enjoyed it. It was really a better than average superhero movie. Also, Natalie Portman made it that much better. But yeah, well done team. Well done. Better than the Dark Knight probably.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them– Mitch Hedberg
White Noise: Wisdom for Whiskey Drinkers →
randomlights: Putting mixers in whiskey is acceptable for fifths that cost less than $30. Mixing coke with Crown Royal is considered alcohol abuse. Doing shots of whiskey will impress just about anyone. Everybody can shot vodka all night, but if you can do shots of whiskey without mixer or ice, I tip my…
On August 22, the Turkish Government intends to...
I rolled north on River Road, looking for the place that I had to turn left to pick my brother up from traffic school. This necessitated me driving through a certain part of the area by my house that is economically not as well off as the area in which I live. This is the more low income neighborhood, the place where the more uptight individuals in my community prefer to avoid, and certainly...
Lunch as a Metaphor for Taxes
“Why Does Government Matter?” A 9 year old is told to write a paper on this topic “It Doesn’t” Ron Swanson informs her He then hands her a claymore after explaining taxes by eating her lunch. “Here comes the capital gains tax!” I about died of laughter and I had to clear my eyes of the tears brought on by that laughter because that was one of the best...
ba ba booee
Still Feel Gone
There was this band that hailed from Bellville, IL who called themselves Uncle Tupelo. They started Alternative Country as a genre, more or less. Their sophomore effort, Still Feel Gone, is basically perfect as far as albums made in the 1990s go. I put it at number 6 on my list of best albums of the 1990s that I put out about a month ago, but I think it could be a little bit higher. It is the...
Something I will someday do
I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It’s a...– Ron Swanson So pumped for parks and rec tonight, a whole hours worth. YES
fountainsoffthefireworks-deacti asked: Hey Victoria! Will you teach me how to dougie?
Rebels and onions got no respect.
shitmystudentswrite: The rebel and onion armies showed grose negligence by having many of their battles right inside national parks, like Gettysburg. I just about died laughing
Parks and Rec
So I just finished a days long binge of Parks and Rec, and I have come to a number of important conclusions. First and foremost, I am Ron Swanson. Secondly, It is more than capable of replacing the office as my go to bored on a thursday night and need to laugh show. Third, it is consistently funny. I have watched all of the first two seasons and all of the third up to now, and it has never...
Saying goodbye hurts like hell like a good kick in the shin or the emptiness you feel after a night of heavy drinking It leaves you drained and sorrowful, and just wishing that more than anything you could go back and keep it from happening. But you can’t, so finish packing and hit the road you poor sad bastard and try to remember that it’s not forever this time and...
10 Albums of Freshman Year
So here are the 10 albums that were the most significant to me in the past 9 months or so. Check em out if you get the chance. They aren’t in any particular order, just know that at certain points in the past year, they have been incredibly impactful in my daily living. 10. Winter of Mixed Drinks - Frightened Rabbit 9. American Slang - Gaslight Anthem 8. Summerteeth - Wilco 7. Sound of...
Most of my things are packed. My fridge is unplugged, defrosting. My walls are barren. Except for one thing. A List. A list that, for me anyway, has come to represent and symbolize the friendships I have made this year in a very unique way. Yea, we never did half the things on the list. But the fun of it was knowing that we did our own thing, no matter what people thought of it. Yes, this...
Pretty girl keep growin’ up, playin’ make-up, wearin’ guitar Growin’ old in a...– - The Replacements “Left of the Dial” The single greatest song ever recorded.
Yesterday was theirs to say this is their world and their time and if tonight...– - The Replacements “Valentine”